my birth partner doesn't...

... want a homebirth.

... like the sound of hypnobirthing. 

... think we need a doula.

Sound familiar?

Now think to a special event in your life- let's take your wedding as an example. What if I said to you.

Don't pick that dress because your fiancé doesn't like lace.

Get married at the registry office because your fiancé thinks the venue is a waste of money.

You can only invite 10 people because your fiancé wants to keep it intimate.

Now you may agree to some of these- but it's a definitive yes or no. If it's something you're not happy with you are going to put up a strong argument.

And let's be honest, (as having organsied my own wedding and supported friends and family) not many husband's- to- be are actually fussed about the planning, preparing, colours or themes. They're happy to just pop on their suit and turn up. The day is... ALL ABOUT THE BRIDE! So obviously you get the last word (most of the time!)

So tell me, if you wouldn't be happy to let your fiancé choose everything for your wedding (which let's be honest is beautiful but mostly materialistic), why are you allowing them to choose what you want for your birth (which is a physical, emotional and mental change)?

I have heard these excuses... yes I called you out- it is an excuse, many times. And I always smile and walk on. But the thing that stays with me and upsets me is that this person who you have said has ultimately decided against finding the right support to welcome your baby into the world is oblivious as to the importance of their role on the day. Unlike your wedding day- he can't just show up- he actually needs to participate and know what to do to help you.

Leaving it in the sole care of medical professionals is giving the professionals a big responsibility! And you may fail to realise:

• That professionals are also human. They can get things wrong.

• You won't get the same person throughout and every professional will come in with different information and hospital policy guidelines.

• Things can easily start spiralling.

I'm not here to trick you into doing my course, what I am here to do is open up a conversation. Look at your investment- not financially but emotionally and mentally. What is it that you want from your birth experience. Do your research and if you are OK with the birth statistics in your area and happy to gamble the risks then by all means you do you.

But if somewhere deep inside, a voice is saying this does not sit right with me. I need support. I need help. Then listen to it. That's your intuition and in my experience- it does not lie.

So next time you notice your response starting with "my birth partner doesn't..." think twice about who's body is going to be experiencing it all. That is the person who should be making the last call.

And if you need my help... I'm always here!

Pooja xo