To be quite fair I think there are a lot of things we shouldn't say to anyone at anytime. We really need to just sit with our thoughts before just word vomiting because we "think" we are being helpful. But for the purpose of today... Let's look at what 6 things are a massive NO to say to a pregnant woman.
Size Comments
Things like:
"WOW! Look how big you are!"
"You must be expecting twins!"
"You look like you could pop any minute!"
"You don't look that big. Are you eating enough?"
are NOT helpful. Every woman has a different body, uterus and is growing an different baby with each pregnancy. Your opinion of how big/ small her bump is not going to benefit anyone. You will carry on with your day but it could really sit with her for a while and affect her well- being. If your think it, keep it to yourself. She does not need to know.
Unsolicited Advice
Things like:
"I used _____ and it made me go into labour straight away."
"You just have to get on with it!"
"Don't bother with a birth plan... it all goes out of the window."
"Take all the drugs they give you!"
If she hasn't asked for your opinion- hold it back. Just because you want to give it, does not mean she wants to receive it. It is as simple as that.
Personal Questions/ Statements
Things like:
"You look so tired!"
"How will you manage on your own/ without help"
"How can you be sick all the time?"
"Are you trying for a [specific gender]"
Let's think how useful the answer to the question will be for you. Is it going to improve your life? Will it make any difference to you, your family or imminent future? No. Then don't ask it.
Judgemental/ Sarcastic Comments
Things like:
"Aren't you too old/ young to have a baby?"
"How will you manage on your own/ without help"
"Oh.. you're doing Hypnobirthing?"
"Another one?"
This is not your journey. Please remember this. Every one of us comes from different backgrounds, cultures, walks of lives with different experiences. Keep your judgemental comments to yourself.
Horror Stories/ Chasing up
Please keep your stories to yourself. I am not belittling your experience in any way, but it's not helpful for her mindset. Leave that for her antenatal educator to address! And can we please stop asking when baby is here? When baby is born, you will be notified in a timeframe that suits the parents.
DO NOT TOUCH HER BUMP
I cannot stress enough that SHE IS NOT PUBLIC PROPERTY. Hands off the bump! You wouldn't randomly touch anyone's tummy at any other time so please don't do it whilst she is carrying her bubba and bonding.
A woman changes so much in pregnancy. She has a lot going on already. She is carrying things from her own experiences, adding extras from you is not helping her at all.
What you can do to help:
Support her choice (even if it's not your preference!)
Ask her how she is feeling. Sit and listen to her. Allow her to offload.
Smile at her
Ask her if she would like a hug
Be there- unconditionally.
The lists of don't could go on forever but what I wanted to do was to think about how mindful and considerate we could be to help her in her pregnancy journey.
Drop the worst and best things said/ done in your pregnancy in the comments!
Pooja xo
Comments