
Everyone who knows me probably knows about my birth experiences. I had a positive experience of birth with both my boys BUT what some of you may not know is that I enjoyed Veer's birth more than Shyam's.
There's no favouritism here honestly, but I do feel the overall experience of birth went on to shape my parenting journey differently with each bubba.
So you're probably wondering- if she had a positive experience with both, what's there to regret? Right?
So here it is, my biggest regret from Shyam's birth was:
I WISHED I WENT FOR A HOME BIRTH!
The thing I learnt after birthing him was that I was never going to get this experience again. I would never birth HIM AGAIN. That was the moment I wished so badly I had done more research into Home Birth and considered it as a serious option.
When it came to birth education, I refused to do NCT or other antenatal classes and as having worked in Perinatal Mental Health and supporting affluent mum's who experienced postnatal illness I heard it was "an expensive way to make friends." Don't shoot me for it- I cannot share my experience of it as I didn't go but this was enough for me to not do it. It left me in a pickle though and I found Hypnobirthing at 35 weeks pregnant!
Although the course I did helped me in my journey to birth Shyam, it didn't give me balanced information to make informed choices for my birth. The breathing and mindset change worked and I will forever be grateful for that. But I wish I was more informed about my options of places of birth and modes of birth.
If I had this I would have been able to make more sense of the fact that:
MY FIRST BIRTH WAS NOT A TRIAL RUN!
And then my postnatal care in hospital was atrocious to say the least which overall cemented my choice to have a planned homebirth for Veer. And it was magical!
I am GUTTED (and irritated with myself) that I didn't birth Shyam at home considering I did all the hard work at home. I ended up going into hospital (where I thought I would be safe) only to be poked, prodded, pushed into a vaginal examination and being told:
"YOU ARE ONLY 3CM DILATED. THIS COULD TAKE UPTO 3 DAYS. I AM GOING ON MY LUNCH."
We are 6 years down the line and I still remember being told this like it was yesterday. Btw... about 10 minutes after the Midwife told me this, I started crowning and within the hour his head was out with no professional present in the room. Just me and Hemant.
I had birthed him with my husband alone in a medical room, where I didn't feel supported by the medical staff. Might I add here that Shyam was born 8lb 2oz (putting it in perspective I am 5ft 1 and weighed 48kg pre pregnancy- YUPP I AM TINY!)
WHY THE HELL DID I NOT JUST STAY HOME?! *KICK UP THE BUM*
I think I will ALWAYS HOLD ONTO THE REGRET. I know Veer was born at home and it was the most beautiful, magical experience ever but I felt robbed for Shyam. I am fortunate that everything went the way it did with Veer's pregnancy and birth, but I think to myself:
What if I had to have an intervention for Veer's birth?
What if I had placenta previa and needed a Caesarean birth for Veer?
And it just put things into perspective. I couldn't have known the future but if my second pregnancy did not allow for a Home Birth for medical reasons, I would have ROBBED MYSELF of my first experience more so!
So here's me... telling you...
DO YOUR RESEARCH
WEIGH UP YOUR COCERNS WITH ACTUAL EVIDENCE
GET IN TOUCH WITH A HYPNOBIRTHING EDUCATOR OR DOULA TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND
DON'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL SOLELY BECAUSE YOU FEAR "WHAT IF THINGS GO WRONG"
GET CLUED UP
We only get to birth our baby once. You cannot always control who you will meet on the day, but you can control what you do, where you go and who is a part of your team.
Make a choice you feel is right for you.
Pooja xo
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